persistence pays off
i just spent about 2 hours trying to figure out how to edit photos in paint so i could get more of the grove in a smaller, easier to view space. It’s always frustrating, taking on a new task when you have few instructions and no clue of what you’re doing. but it is also always rewarding, especially after a particularly restless day.
i’m not sure what it is exactly, but some days i just feel as though at any second i could jump out of my skin. there’s a lump in my throat from the minute i rise, to the minute i fall asleep (which is generally delayed on these particular days). ive been thinking a lot about this kind of restlessness. while reading three cups of tea, one of the village elders in pakistan stated that he already had plenty of happiness and did not envy the white man’s restless spirit. i agree wholeheartedly with this statement – westerners have so many things, and so much privilege, and yet so little true contentment or peace. i left the thought there for a while, but it came back to me as i was screening a movie (Life & Debt) for the enviro filmfestival yesterday. in that movie it’s easy to see how much influence western powers and especially corporations yield over poorer countries. how we have locked them into a hopeless situation of debt that they can not escape, yet we continue to offer short-term solutions and refuse to arm developing countries with the longterm, sustainable solutions that we KNOW to be effective. instead we subsidize and deprivethem of their right to sustain themselves, all the while keeping money for ourselves. after re-learning this, i feel a tremendous amount of responsibility. the responsibility that comes with privilege and being born a white, western woman. i can only speak for myself, but i truly feel as though my restlessness is a direct result of the guilt i feel to live up to this powerful responsibility. to fulfill that, to free myself of the guilt, i feel as thought i need to dedicate my life, education and career to righting this wrong. now i know that can be done in lots of different ways and i dont know exactly which is right or which is wrong for me, personally. but beginning to touch the cause of my restlessness gives me strength, and that was my connecting thought today.
now, for the fruits of my labor – more relaxing pictures of the river, which i hope pacify this constant craziness runnin around my head.
