this moment

James Joyce said, “I am tomorrow, or some future day, what I establish today. I am today what I established yesterday or some previous day.”

Motivation to make my right now todays count.

motivation

As I think more frequently (and with increasing anxiety) about the future and what I want to accomplish, and who I want to be, and where I want to be, it’s become more and more important to hold a few mantras close, and not let fear get the best of me. I stumbled two great pieces of inspiration yesterday and today that I’ll be remembering each time I feel that familiar sense of overwhelm.

Replace fear with curiosity – what a great reminder and lesson. It’s far more productive to think of future options in terms of my curiosity for them, and what could happen (in good ways!) than dwelling on the negatives and catastrophizing.

“And wherever she came, it was spring” – this is a line from Walden, and what it’s getting at is that in order to be serene, contented and at peace you need look no farther than surrounding yourself by nature, breathing in the morning air and connecting with that moment. Instead of living in fear and anxiety – especially while I’m in Richmond surrounded by so many friends and such beauty – why not focus on being present,  being grateful for what I have and making the days of those around me a tiny bit brighter?

So here’s to staying curious and bringing the spring!

my one wish

I read that in French, new year’s resolutions are called new year’s wishes.

The American in me resists that term – “but that means I’m not in control! That means I’m leaving it up to chance and shirking my responsibility to my own life!”  But something else in me embraces this comforting term. It’s a wish, a hope a dream a desire, and yes – I am the only one in my life that can make this happen – but on the other hand maybe it’s about me taking the first baby step, suddenly perceiving that first tiny & subtle shift inside. And then, after starting to move in the right direction, the “universe will unfold exactly as it’s supposed to.” A mixture of will and chance, of freedom and fate.

And so, I was reading another blog whose author’s only resolution is to let go of fear. She challenges others to do the same and I think it’s a beautiful sentiment. After thinking and pondering what I want 2012 to mean for me, I think I have finally settled on a mantra of my own, very similar. My new year’s wish for 2012: to live with courage.

And that means a million things to me – it means having the courage to live according to the values I hold dear, and not according to the expectations of others, even family and friends. It means honoring my dreams, and following them wholeheartedly, now, while I’m healthy, free and able. It means never ceasing to learn and try to find work that I feel is valuable personally and contributes to the growth of humanity as a whole. It means choosing happiness, and my life.

I’m pretty stoked for this wish, and this year.

a new, new

New day, new month, new year, new adventures. And so very welcome.

It’s been a beautiful and difficult year. Let’s start with the beautiful: Ringing the new year at an organic farm in Turkey, given a new, Turkish name, and spending the first day of the year drinking wine on a rooftop deck overlooking olive trees and the sea of Marmara with the most wonderful new friends; long walks gazing at the cutest nephew in the world, celebrating my best friend’s wedding with the most wonderful old friends, running my first marathon, starting a leadership course through work and meeting such motivating Richmond friends, catching breathtaking sunsets at the farm, and helping to grow two acres of vegetables from scratch with best friends. It’s incredible really, to look back on all the moments and know there were millions more just as beautiful.

The difficult: sick grandparents, the guilt of taking them for granted, of not seeing them more; break ups, steps backward; living in the future, focusing on things that will not happen; feeling stuck in a career situation you feel you did not choose that does not challenge you or fulfill you.

All in all, the beautiful has certainly outweighed the difficult, and most of the difficult consists of choices that can be made or unmade, acted upon or not.

New year’s wishes: Live with courage, live in moment, choose a beautiful life, and continue connecting and learning from the amazing people I am privileged to call friends & family, and the amazing people I have yet to meet.

Off to ride my bicycle and make homemade yogurt!

 

what do you wish to happen with your day, today

snow! ice! shivers! 

i know it’s only january, but the cold is starting to penetrate every ounce of my body&soul, and i am sure ready for some spring. one positive thing about winter, however, is that i get to go skiing with my blacksburg buddies. i miss those crazy, awesome unpredictable friends and my goal for today, after watching the video below, was to make sure and touch base with some of them and share some good conversation and a laugh or two. mission accomplished – check this out below, it’s a wonderful reminder.

Fifty People, One Question: New York from Crush + Lovely on Vimeo.

persistence pays off

i just spent about 2 hours trying to figure out how to edit photos in paint so i could get more of the grove in a smaller, easier to view space. It’s always frustrating, taking on a new task when you have few instructions and no clue of what you’re doing. but it is also always rewarding, especially after a particularly restless day.

i’m not sure what it is exactly, but some days i just feel as though at any second i could jump out of my skin. there’s a lump in my throat from the minute i rise, to the minute i fall asleep (which is generally delayed on these particular days). ive been thinking a lot about this kind of restlessness. while reading three cups of tea, one of the village elders in pakistan stated that he already had plenty of happiness and did not envy the white man’s restless spirit. i agree wholeheartedly with this statement – westerners have so many things, and so much privilege, and yet so little true contentment or peace. i left the thought there for a while, but it came back to me as  i was screening a movie (Life & Debt) for the enviro filmfestival yesterday. in that movie it’s easy to see how much  influence western powers and especially corporations yield over poorer countries. how we have locked them into a hopeless situation of debt that they can not escape, yet we continue to offer short-term solutions and refuse to arm developing countries with the longterm, sustainable solutions that we KNOW to be effective. instead we subsidize and deprivethem of their right to sustain themselves, all the while keeping money for ourselves. after re-learning this, i feel a tremendous amount of responsibility. the responsibility that comes with privilege and being born a white, western woman. i can only speak for myself, but i truly feel as though my restlessness is a direct result of the guilt i feel to live up to this powerful responsibility. to fulfill that, to free myself of the guilt, i feel as thought i need to dedicate my life, education and career to righting this wrong. now i know that can be done in lots of different ways and i dont know exactly which is right or which is wrong for me, personally. but beginning to touch the cause of my restlessness gives me strength, and that was my connecting thought today.

now, for the fruits of my labor – more relaxing pictures of the river, which i hope pacify this constant craziness runnin around my head.

grove, sweet grove

this weekend, my mom, sister rachy and i went down to visit my godmother and godsister jeannie and taylor down at wharton’s grove (rappahanock river). we spent the day relaxin with hotstone massages, classical music, cucumber water and hotfresh doughnuts (healthy plus satisfied). mostly, we were all together, enjoying eachother’s company and the beautiful water. 

taylor prepared by setting the mood with these:

then we each stumbled down the stairs, collapsing after patrizio effectively turned us into jello (63 years old – 5 massages in a row – 1 banana for snack… the man is god, especially since he gives his wife a foot rub everysingle night. incredible) feeling very relaxed we talked, snacked and napped..

caught a beautiful one of these…

enjoyed a few of these  

got a chance to spend time with more amazing family, friends

mostly, enjoyed being present in every second and enjoying eachother in what i consider to be the most beautiful place on earth

old rag mountain of memories

my dad’s been takin me to oldragmountain since i was a wee little one. his dad starting taking him and his brothers when they were just young enough to almost kill themselves and eachother playing all over the rocks. twice i have been and seen blackbears! needless to say, it’s a special place that i savor every time. a place of peace, reflection and beauty. this weekend ive been invited to go hiking with kfo (best of the best) and our trusty climbing buddy tim. let’s hope our trip is reminiscent of my last old rag hike with the crazy kids below!!

and a photo of my candy-loving sweet talking beautiful bud

in the words of jessrose, happy obama day!

yep, you heard that title right. everyone’s onboard the message of hope. it was a pretty exciting day – we all gathered together to watch and i think we all struggled to hold back tears. not even tears of joy, just an overwhelming sense of what could be, during these, “our endless numbered days” (iron and wine, checkitout).

happybirthday mom!

i just finished reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. A beautiful story with some of the richest characters i have ever read. i was particularly moved by the mother’s portrayal – a relatively selfish woman (sneaking candy bars when her own children were starving) who at the same time had some of the most beautiful and compassionate views on life, values and what’s important. i can safely say that my own mother shares similar views on the values of family and love, but she is also different from Walls’ mother’s character because she is the most selfless person i have ever met. she would give up everything she has, everything she and my father have worked so hard for in an instant, without even giving it consideration, for me and my sister. i love her very much and am grateful every single day – thanks mom!